Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
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