Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
