my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
