You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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