very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
