How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
