God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
