Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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