it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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