I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
