He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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