the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
