The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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