I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize