do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
