they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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