you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
foreskin is a definite game changer
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
