And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
