Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
