I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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