WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
