soooo we both peed the bed last night...
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
