uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
