Already got asked if we're dating
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
