3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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