I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
lets start a swedish sibling band together
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
