And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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