your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
