a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
