They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize