Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
