Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(803): View more from South Carolina

I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.

Fav 8 1008 1438
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(785): View more from Kansas

it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..

Fav 28 915 7534
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(440): View more from Ohio

I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.

Fav 20 4694 1739
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(503): View more from Oregon

His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.

Fav 45 5735 1949
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(502): View more from Kentucky

She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.

Fav 17 2329 2977
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(404): View more from Georgia

Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.

Fav 7 5870 1325
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(858): View more from California

We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.

Fav 89 2410 13832
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(240): View more from Maryland

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA

Fav 2 598 818
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(614): View more from Ohio

THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.

Fav 0 506 167
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