i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
