I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
