Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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