We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
