Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize