He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
