Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
