She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
