i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
