Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
