so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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