True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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