Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize