drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
