I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
