can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize