I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
