his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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