No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
