NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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