My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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