Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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