you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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