Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
