My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
