My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
