am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
