he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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