If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize