Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
