About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize