why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
