yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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