I will die if light touches me.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
