i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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