what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
