guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Randomize
