you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
