So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
