It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize