My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
