K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Randomize
