I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize