He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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