Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
