well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
