I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
