I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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