I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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