i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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