I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
