when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
