3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
