dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
