apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
