It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
