"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
