Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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