Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
