this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
