And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
