I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
she smelled like a LAN party
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
