I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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