after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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